My name is James, and I’m self-centered. It’s why I suffer socially, financially, and especially spiritually.
I’ve always known that, but realize that it’s crippling every one of my efforts. It’s actually funny how self-centered I am.
Let me first distinguish self-centeredness from self-confidence/self-esteem. Pride in who you are as a person, who God made you to be, and in your honest strengths is not only good, it’s healthy. It’s a genuine appreciation for the beautiful creation you are – unique in every sense of the word.
Self-centeredness is being so preoccupied with yourself it hides your view of others.
I’m sensitive, I care a great deal about others, but I tend to look out for number one. If I go out for lunch, I avoid others as to not be weighed down with others’ lunch-orders. If I let people get in front of me in traffic (and I do often) my motive is only because I KNOW it’s the right thing. But I feel begrudged doing it. I share my favorite dessert, I offer things, give gifts, and listen intently to other people almost always out of a self-serving attitude.
I kind of always knew this, but my recent attempts to overcome my social anxiety has made me realize how pervasive self-centeredness is. It’s why I sometimes feel distant from God in my Christian Walk. I’m looking to be blessed instead of being a blessing.
Even though I write this blog anonymously, I even now wonder how you, my reader, might judge me. Even this blog is a little self-serving…hey, I want to be brutally honest with you as I grow so you can be helped.
Social Anxiety. Whether I’m with friends or strangers, I’m preoccupied with everything I do, say, or gesture.
“How am I being perceived? Was that joke in bad taste? Look them in the eyes. Don’t talk too much about yourself…ask a question.”
Yes – seriously!
Then WHAM, it hit me. I’ve been trying to reconcile helping others and scripture – my life vision. I was praying, meditating, studying the Bible and authors like Tony Robbins, John Maxwell, Joyce Meyer, Zig Ziglar…searching for the connection between our brain, how it works, and the spirit.
One day, God just said, “Get your eyes off of you and put them on me and others.” Hmmm…I’ve said that the Bible is summed up in one sentence: Love God, love others, then tell others about the former. (Ref Matthew 22:36-39; Matthew 28:19-20) Yet, here I am, a wonderfully disobedient hypocrite. But that’s okay, God still loves me as much as he can which is why he corrects me.
The conclusion: Overcome self-centeredness means overcoming social anxiety. What is the anxiety? Fear of rejection(because I reject), being judged (because I judge), being criticized (because I’m critical – especially of myself…more self focus) The Bible tells us to focus on good things (Philippians 4:8) It’s the first written lesson in positive thinking!
The question becomes: How? How do I stop focusing on myself and focusing on others. Tony Robbins is fond of saying that if you want a better answer, ask a better question. A better question is “How can I focus on others’ feelings, beliefs, and situations better on a daily basis and have fun in the process?” or “How can I serve others daily and have fun at the same time?” Now that’s a question I’m going to enjoy answering!
